There was a desire that rose up in my heart today to do something that I haven’t done in a long time. It is something that is usually done in a quiet place. It is a position that is sometimes accompanied by tears. It is a posture that is equated with humility and surrender.
It is praying on my knees.
Tears escape my eyes while worship takes place all around me in the church building. No one notices me down here on the floor, but God does. Down on my knees, face towards the floor, I cry out to the Lord. “Oh God, change me,” I pray with passion. “Change me so that You can use me. ”
When I peer into my sinful, human heart, I see so many things that I wish weren’t there. Anger over the actions of people. Frustration when things don’t go my way. Disappointment when my plans were stymied. And it gets worse. Round and round in my brain swirl hateful words that I long to say. I want to reject those who reject me and I want to hurt those who have hurt me. I demand justice for wrongs that I have suffered.
Celebrating Weakness was not the name I would have chosen for my blog. I mean, come on, have you heard of any important blogs with a name like that? Surely God was kidding me. I brainstormed powerful words and tested out combinations. My personal favorite was “TotallyWeakPerfectlyStong.com.” Catchy and cute, huh? But in the end, God won, and I surrendered to His will for my blog and gave up my own. CelebratingWeakness.com was born.
Sometimes a trial comes when we least expect it. Mine came this past spring. I was being used mightily by God teaching a Bible study. I was experiencing God’s anointing, listening to His voice,and walking in obedience. I was surrendered to His will for my life and willing to do anything for Him. I was abandoned to God and perfectly positioned for Him to use me with power. God had me in His bulls eye, but so did the devil.