Do you ever wonder if God is ashamed of you?

“Abba, I belong to you.”
“Abba, I belong to you.”

The words of the song filled my ears as the music drifted up to the rafters of the church building.  I added my voice to the others but my heart just wasn’t in it.  My mind began to wander as I contemplated the fact that I belong to God.

That weekend I had been struggling with panic attacks and it had been hard just to function. As I looked around my church and saw all the “normal” people who didn’t struggle with anxiety, I felt sure that God was really proud of them but not so much of me. I was broken, faithless, and medicated, and they were strong, full of faith, and depending on God rather than pharmaceuticals to function.

I felt ashamed and I was certain that God was ashamed of me, too.

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What if you don’t have a Pinterest-perfect life?

As my body woke up from a night of slumber, so did the constant fear that rolled over and over in my stomach.  I had recently completed a three minute speaker promo video and I had shared it with my family and friends, including a lot of pastors and ministry leaders. I even shared it on Facebook.  I was unsure how people would receive it.  I felt vulnerable. Exposed.

I was terrified of being rejected.

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