At 4’10” tall, I’ve always been the littlest one in the crowd. Even today, I often get mistaken for a child. All the way back to elementary school, you could easily find me in the class photographs because I’m the one who was front and center. Every. Single. Time. I have always been smaller than everyone else.
The last few months of my life have been filled with some emotional drama. Conflict that I have had with trusted friends led to my heart being broken. In my brokenness, I wanted to give up. Everything. At times, even my life. Every day I would hound heaven with questions, trying to understand why I was so broken emotionally. I sought the Lord for His help and deliverance from this place of unrelenting sadness.
When I was growing up, there were two girls my age that lived in my neighborhood, Kim and Ashley. Sometimes the three of us got along well and played contentedly, but most often, we were fighting. Ashley and I would decide to “gang up” on Kim and we would play together and leave her out.
Then, Ashley and I would get in a fight and we would switch, and Kim and I would play together and leave Ashley out. What I hated the most was when Kim and Ashley would “gang up” on me and leave me out. It hurt.
I’m all grown up now but I still have that desire that people would like me. I believe that no matter how old and mature you become, you have an innate desire to be liked, loved, and accepted. I know that I do. (more…)
It seems that the older I get the more I dress like my mother: bright colors, flashy jewelry, matching shoes. She’s a fashionable older woman who shops at Steinmart and Chico’s…you know the type! I haven’t yet started buying animal prints, but anything can happen! Add some “big hair” and lip gloss and I can be quite the sight! I know that we should not put so much stock in our outward appearance, but sometimes dressing up can help us to feel better. Here is me with some lip gloss:
I felt like a lamb led to the slaughter. I was going to a social event and I was aware that someone would be there who did not like me. I know that sounds very grade school-ish, but come on, girls, be real….we all want to be liked. But there are times when God will require us to go into situations where we are not accepted. It is a really hard thing to do, and it takes a lot of guts. Frankly, I was scared.