The day I almost lost my mind

Shame had kept me silent. Few people knew the intense battle I had been having with panic attacks. Not even my pastor was privy to the emotional upheaval that existed in my mind. My doctor knew because he was prescribing the medications that were helping me to function. But fear of judgment had kept me from telling people how bad it really was.

The smallest thing caused me to feel panic. I was scared to take a shower. I was scared to wash my hair (the picture below was not staged). I was scared to fix my breakfast and let the dog go out and fill up my Tervis with ice. Why? Because in previous days, when I had done those things, my body panicked and my pulse raced and my chest felt like I was having a heart attack.

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I’m coming out of the closet about my panic attacks

I walked slowly from the kitchen to my bedroom in the early morning light.  With every step my body became heavier and heavier and as soon as I stepped through my bedroom door, my petite body collapsed onto the carpet.  I could hear Brian getting ready for work in the nearby bathroom.  I weakly called out to him.  And then he called 911.  I was scared but I also remember being mortified by the thought of an ambulance racing to our home, wondering, “What will the neighbor’s think?”  That happened four summers ago.

panic attacks

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