As my body woke up from a night of slumber, so did the constant fear that rolled over and over in my stomach. I had recently completed a three minute speaker promo video and I had shared it with my family and friends, including a lot of pastors and ministry leaders. I even shared it on Facebook. I was unsure how people would receive it. I felt vulnerable. Exposed.
I was terrified of being rejected.
God, thank you for loving me in my mess.
In my beautiful broken fragile humanness, You love me.
I stared at the window, longing to go outside. I could see the birds flitting from tree limbs to the bird feeders. I could hear the sweet song of the cardinal at the top of the river birch tree. I could see the water flowing in the fountains, the windchimes swaying, and the flowers blooming in my whimsical cottage garden.
And I was stuck inside. I felt like I was the “princess in the tower,” locked in the upstairs bedroom and not allowed to leave. (more…)
It was a Sunday morning, and my teenage children and I were together at church. My son Gregory was in the worship band, rocking it out on his bass guitar. He was swaying back and forth, almost dancing, and belting out the song lyrics with a strong confidence. Later, during communion, I found a quiet place to pray with my daughter Hannah. I let her pray first, and she prayed so long that I didn’t think I would get to have a turn. She prayed a beautiful prayer that touched my heart.
It was later in the day as I was relaying these events to my husband that I realized that in spite of myself, my children had turned out well – they are hard workers, they have tender hearts and they unashamedly love Jesus.