Many people make New Years resolutions at the start of a new year and I know many Christians who chose one word that will be their focus for that year. For me, “My One Word” for 2016 is “Believe.” The word comes from Romans 4, where Abraham believed God and he also grew in faith. I so want to grow in faith and pray faith-filled prayers! The verse that challenges my prayer life the most is Mark 11:24, “Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you.”
January means different things to different people. For some, it means a fresh start on a journey to a healthier you. For others, it means time to clean and organize the house. To many, it means football and the anticipation of the Super Bowl. To retailers, it means Valentine’s Day and garden art.
January is the month when the retailers put away their Christimas merchandise and line their shelves with fresh offerings of garden art. Painted bird houses, metal bird baths, concrete statues. Colorful plaques and rustic stakes and decorative trellises. Here I come, Hobby Lobby! I love filling my cottage garden with whimsical and eccentric garden art. For me, this is the most wonderful time of the year.
It is time to go to sleep. My head is on the pillow, my eyes are closed, but the tears are flowing. Two hours ago I taught an amazing Bible study. People were encouraged. People were challenged. People met God. I should be filled with joy but instead my soul is tossing and turning with guilt and shame. I taught tonight about being like Jesus, but in the quiet of my home, I feel as far from it as possible. Everyone around me has faith to believe that God will heal my chronic migraines, but I’m sorry, I’m just not convinced. I struggle to believe.
I close my eyes tight and ask God, “What is wrong with me? How can I teach your Word with great power and anointing, but I can’t believe you will do the simplest of things for me? People think that I’m this great woman of God, but really I’m not. I don’t have a steadfast faith that is able to weather the storms. I am not able to ask that you will heal me, believing that you will, because really, I’m not sure (Mark 11:34). I know that You can heal me, but I’m not certain that You will. (more…)