She looks amazing on the outside but she is crumbling on the inside

You see her sitting across from you in the coffee shop. You know, the professional woman who is typing away on her Mac. She is dressed head-to-toe in Ann Taylor and Michael Kors and her hair has looks like she just left the salon. You jealously gaze upon her, wishing that your life could be successful, too.

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Insecurity lurks beneath my trendy J. Crew outfit

Panty hose – check.
Cocktail dress – check.
Statement necklace – check.
Cute heels – check.

It was the time of year for holiday Christmas parties and we had been invited to one with my husband’s coworkers.  I was all set to look festive and fun in my new dress but on the inside I was a complete wreck.

The month prior, when the invitation came, I panicked.  The dress attire was “cocktail/holiday festive” and my “little black dress” in my closet was over 20 years old. In those 20 years, my body had changed thanks to children and gravity and fashion had certainly changed, so that little black dress would not do.  For my birthday, a fashionable friend took me shopping for a new little black dress.

She helped me put together a killer outfit but sadly it did not give me an ounce of confidence.  My brain was stuck in a profound memory that was ten years old, and took place in the Landfall Country Club bathroom.  I’m in this bathroom and I’m looking at lean, fit, refined women in their sleeveless fashionable little black dresses.  Then I look at myself and I was frumpy, dumpy, and woefully out of style.

The truth is, I struggle to fit in with the refined, cultured, country club set.  I grew up roaming my grandmother’s cow pastures helping my dad feed his cows.  I know more about how to call cattle (OY-EE!) than I do about how to dress for a cocktail party.  I’m not fashionable or fit or refined, and it leaves me feeling like I’m not good enough.

And as I look at my clothing for this next corporate Christmas party, I still feel the same way.  I won’t fit in.  I can’t compete.  Compared to these women, I’m not good enough.  I don’t have any Spanx and my eyebrows aren’t waxed and my fingernails are never painted.  But I can call a cow – does that count?

My feelings are not unique to just me.  When you go to work, you may look around the table and think that you are not smart enough.  When you are at the park, you may see some “super moms” and think that you are not as good at parenting as them. You may look at your sister and think that you will never be as successful as she is.

Will we ever feel like we are good enough?

And just who said we weren’t good enough?

The lie of “not good enough” started in the Garden of Eden.  The serpent, that beguiling liar of old, hinted to Eve that without the knowledge of good and evil that God had, she was not complete.  She was not good enough just like she was.  And Eve bought into that lie and tried to make herself someone who she really was not meant to be.

Just like me with that fancy cocktail dress and statement necklace, trying to look like a country club girl when really, I’m just a plain country girl without a club.

In that country club bathroom ten years ago, a lie was whispered in my ear as I looked at those beautiful, fit, fashionista women.  A lie that told me I was not good enough.  And I believed it, hook, lie, and sinker.  Just like Eve, I took a bite of the apple.

When you are sitting at the conference table and you think everyone else is smarter than you are, you are listening to a lie.  When you are at the park and all the moms seem to outshine you, you are listening to a lie.  When you are out with your family and the other women seem more successful than you, you are listening to a lie.

When you hear “not good enough” you can be sure that you are listening to that ancient lie that started in the garden.

Stop it!

What is the truth?  When God made Adam and Eve, He said that they were good.  They were complete, sufficient, good enough.  They didn’t need anything more than what He had given them.

Everything that God makes, he calls “Good.”   When He made you, He put the best of His amazingness in you.  He made you creative and clever and wise.  He made you fun and beautiful and valuable. Don’t believe anything otherwise.

Sister, you are good enough.

When you go to the gym,
Or head to your play date,
Or make a presentation,
Or take an exam,
Or meet with your child’s teacher,
Or attend a family gathering,
Or just head out with the girls,
tell yourself:
“I am good enough.”

And when I head to the next Christmas party, I will do the same.

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The Excruciating Year of the Horrible Haircuts

Have you ever wondered how Jesus would have felt if he had a bad haircut? I have read my Bible from cover to cover and I can’t recall any mention of Jesus and haircuts.   I think He probably had His hair trimmed from time to time.  I imagine Jesus’ hair the way I have seen it depicted in pictures:  long, curly, and glossy.   He looks like an attractive man.

For me, this has been the excruciating year of horrible haircuts.  It started right before Christmas when I went in for a “new do.”  I had a hairstyle in mind that I thought it would look good on me.  I came out of the salon looking like the Sherman Williams Dutch Boy.  It was so bad that I woke up all night long despairing and mourning my lost hair!  The next day, I called a friend who was a hairdresser and asked if she could “fix” it for me.  She did, but it was very short.  I was so embarrassed and I wanted to put my head in the sand like an ostrich and never come up for air.

dutch boy

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