Am I the only one who is always struggling?

Some people make life look easy.  They face their hard days with smiles on their faces. They shepherd their large families with contented hearts.  They stare down cancer diagnoses with great faith. They handle rejection by leaning on God.  The way they carry themselves and face trials is admirable.

When I look at myself in comparison, well, I’m not weathering life’s storms with as much grace, faith, or strength.  Girls, I cry, a lot.  In the car.  On the floor curled up in the fetal position.  At the doctor’s office.  With my friends.  During worship. And at Harris Teeter.  I am personally responsible for the financial security of the Kleenex Corporation.

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I try to tell myself, “Oh, you are just walking through a hard season” but if I am honest, it seems much of the last 5 years has been a hard season.  I’m not saying that to complain, because truly, I have no complaints about my life.  Other than it is hard.  It’s a struggle.

It’s a struggle to trust God with my teenagers.
It’s a struggle to look in the mirror and see my youth disappearing.
It’s a struggle to not think suicidal thoughts.
It’s a struggle to believe God will do the miraculous.
It’s a struggle to lead a ministry.
It’s a struggle to believe that people like me.
It’s a struggle to follow Jesus.
It’s a struggle to parent a child with a disability.
It’s a struggle to trust those who have hurt me.
It’s a struggle to be a peri-menopausal, emotional woman in her mid-life crisis.
And let’s not even talk about the struggle to find a pair of blue jeans that fit.

Am I the only one who is always struggling?
And what do I do about it?

As I sit here in the quiet of my prayer room, the only answer that comes to me is to thank God for the struggle.  To thank God that I am weak.  To thank God that I am emotional.  To thank God for the frequent tears.

I AM WEAK.  There, I said it.  I don’t hold a candle to most women I know.  And that’s okay.

I am discovering that my weakness makes me dependent on God.  Strong people don’t need Him as much.  When I am laying on the floor crying, I am crying out to Him for help.  When I am trying not to sob in the doctor’s office, I am crying out to Him for strength.  When I hold my puppy tight in my waking hours, I am crying out to Him to comfort me.  When I can’t sleep at night, worrying about my autistic son, I am crying out to Him to give me more faith.

Weak.  Needy.  Dependent on God.  It’s better than the alternative.

I would rather be a weak, struggling woman who is relying on God to get through the day than be a strong, confident, independent woman who has no need of God.   

Girls, I need God.
Every second, every moment.
All. Day. Long.
I just can’t do this life without Him.
Because I’m weak.
And I struggle.
And it’s okay.
My weakness invites God into my life.
My struggle beckons Him to come and help.

I don’t know if any of you are just like me, feeling like you are always struggling, but if you are, take comfort in knowing that you are not the only one.  And relax in your constant reliance on God.  He made you weak so that He could be strong in you.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Cor. 12: 9

I will share my Kleenex with you if you need me to.  Together, even when we are weak, we are stronger.

What about you?  Are you in a season of struggle?  Leave me a comment, or reply to this email to let me know.  I would love to pray for you. 

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