Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he touched the socket of his thigh; so the socket of Jacob’s thigh was dislocated while he wrestled with him.…Genesis 32:24-25
Have you ever had a disagreement with God? Many times there are things that God asks us to do and our pride and our flesh rise up in defiance. When I am at the altar on my knees I cry out “Not my will but Yours be done” but later when Gods asks me to do something hard, my flesh says, “Get lost, God.”
Right now I am contending with God. God and I have been in a spat that has been going on for about ten days now. It is over a simple thing, really – the name of my new blog. Two months ago God dropped into my spirit the blog name “Celebrating Weakness.” An hour later He confirmed it by a message I heard on 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
But between you and me, I don’t like “Celebrating Weakness.” It is not a blog name that makes me proud or happy. So I took matters into my own hands and came up with a better name, “Totally Weak, Perfectly Strong.” To me, that blog name is really fun, cute, and catchy. It meets all of the “experts” advice on how to create an amazing blog name. It is a name that I would be proud of, something that could contend with the great blogs of Ann Voskamp and Nicole Unice.
Sadly, God is not concerned about who is fun, or cute, or catchy, or the best. He is more concerned about obedience.
I’m not the first stupid human to think that I can contend with God and win. Jacob contended with God way back in Genesis 32. Jacob was a fighter….the angel was so concerned with Jacob’s strength and success that he dislocated Jacob’s hip. Like Jacob, I am wrestling, all night long, holding on to that belief that my plan is better than God’s.
Yikes. Did you hear my pride? My plan is surely better than God’s.
Oh, God, help me.
Jacob contended with God all night long. I’ve contended for ten days. How long will it last, and who will win? I don’t know, but I’m getting tired. I don’t like to feel “at odds” with the maker of my soul. It sure interferes with Bible study, prayer, and worship. I feel distant and separated from the One that gives me the reason to live.
Are you like me and think that your plan is best? Have you heard God tell you to do something and you are wrestling with God, reluctant to obey? Here’s some advice. Repent. Now. And do what God says, even when you don’t understand, and even when you think that your plan is best.
Because this wrestling sure is hard.