Do you, like me, struggle to believe God?

It is time to go to sleep.  My head is on the pillow, my eyes are closed, but the tears are flowing.  Two hours ago I taught an amazing Bible study.  People were encouraged.  People were challenged. People met God.  I should be filled with joy but instead my soul is tossing and turning with guilt and shame.  I taught tonight about being like Jesus, but in the quiet of my home, I feel as far from it as possible.  Everyone around me has faith to believe that God will heal my chronic migraines, but I’m sorry, I’m just not convinced.  I struggle to believe.

believe

I close my eyes tight and ask God, “What is wrong with me?  How can I teach your Word with great power and anointing, but I can’t believe you will do the simplest of things for me?  People think that I’m this great woman of God, but really I’m not.  I don’t have a steadfast faith that is able to weather the storms.  I am not able to ask that you will heal me, believing that you will, because really, I’m not sure (Mark 11:34).  I know that You can heal me, but I’m not certain that You will

I really want to believe, with all of my heart, I do, but I can’t make myself feel something that is not there.  I am not able to muster faith up.  I used to have such a strong faith for healing, but years of disappointment and unanswered prayers have caused my faith to wain.

In my faith-filled church and community, I feel like I am the only one in this struggle of faith.

The tactic of our enemy, the devil, is to point his finger at us in our weakness and shout, “You are the only one!  You are the only one that struggles in this area!”  But it’s not true.  We share the same struggles, but most of us aren’t brave enough to admit them.

We struggle to believe that God will heal our bodies.

We struggle to believe that He will keep our children safe in a scary and dangerous world. 

We struggle to believe that He will restore our marriage.

We struggle to believe that He will provide for the never-ending stack of bills. 

We struggle to believe that He will heal our brokenness and pain.  

We struggle to believe that He will send a mate or a friend.

We struggle to believe that depression will be healed and addictions will be overcome and that prodigal children will come home.

We. Struggle. To. Believe.

Isn’t God upset if we can’t believe that He is who He says He is, and that He will do what He said in His Word that He would do?  Shouldn’t He turn a deaf ear to our prayers when we aren’t convinced that He will answer them?

Thankfully, He doesn’t.

Dr. Faith Wokoma, a Psychologist, Strategist and Adviser at AskDoctorFaith.com said this in a Periscope broadcast, and it gave me great hope.  She said,

“God is not looking for perfection, God is looking for your pursuit.”

“God is not looking for perfection, God is looking for your pursuit.”

I am being perfected, but I am a long way from perfect.

But I excel at pursuit.

I may be flunking out when it comes to believing that God will fix my problems, but I am excelling in pursuing God.

What about you – how is your pursuit of God?  Can you find hope that even though you  are struggling in your faith, you are still pursuing God?

If you are not happy with your current pursuit of God, pray the prayer that God always answers, “Lord, I want to know you more.”  That is a prayer that God never refuses because it is the key to His heart.  He wants to know you and be known by you.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

The good news is that as we pursue God, He changes our minds and hearts daily.  As we pursue Him, He buries His truth deep down in our hearts and transforms our thinking.  As we run hard after God, He reveals Himself to us and we know His personality.

And as we seek to know our God more, we will come to believe again.

Lisa

P.S. I’m linking up this week with Jennifer Dukes Lee at #TellHisStory

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8 thoughts on “Do you, like me, struggle to believe God?

  1. Lisa, I love that quote. Perfection unnecessary, pursuit only. I’m better at pursuit too, so I’m right there with ya. Will pray for your headaches. ((hug)) ~ Blessings

  2. What a lovely reminder that He’s waiting for us to pursue Him, just as we are. To mine all the promises of God, and to develop a hungry for more of Him. Carrying this with me through the week… visiting from #TellHisStory

    • I am so glad! I always pray for my blog posts to encourage one person! I shared my struggle at my church during a Bible study that I am teaching on Wednesday nights. You might be encouraged by this 5 minute clip on Vimeo:

      Blessings to you!

      • Wow, that really spoke to me Lisa. Very moving. Thank you for being open in sharing your struggle like you are doing. God bless you.

        • It has been hard to be so vulnerable, but God is giving me great joy and hope in it. I don’t have to pretend to have it all together. And so many women are being encouraged. It is fruitful.

  3. Can relate to the friction! While i know & tell others that our spiritual growth most pointedly occurs in these pivotal times, i do not like it & realize i’m just a super slow learner. Oh how i thank Him for His tremendous patience! i’ll post this on a Facebook page called Renewal & invite you to drop in when you can, sister. Father God, bless this saint as she works out her salvation with fear & trembling; may she experience Your good work inside & out. In Jesus’ name, Amen

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