Do you ever wonder if God is ashamed of you?

“Abba, I belong to you.”
“Abba, I belong to you.”

The words of the song filled my ears as the music drifted up to the rafters of the church building.  I added my voice to the others but my heart just wasn’t in it.  My mind began to wander as I contemplated the fact that I belong to God.

That weekend I had been struggling with panic attacks and it had been hard just to function. As I looked around my church and saw all the “normal” people who didn’t struggle with anxiety, I felt sure that God was really proud of them but not so much of me. I was broken, faithless, and medicated, and they were strong, full of faith, and depending on God rather than pharmaceuticals to function.

I felt ashamed and I was certain that God was ashamed of me, too.