My sweet teenage daughter stood in my doorway at 10 pm. I was ready to rest, relax, and entertain my brain after a long day. Love story in hand, I was at peace. Then she dropped a bomb on me, “Mom, I just found out I had to be at the church tomorrow at 4 pm.”
I had already filled out my “To-do” list for the next day, and every time slot had something in it. Errands. Pay bills. Work in garden. Make dinner. Send emails. There was no entry that read, “Drive daughter 30 minutes across town at 4 pm.” My plans disrupted, I could feel all the muscles in my back begin to tense. There went relaxation.
I quietly rolled over in bed, trying not to wake up my husband. We were on vacation, and I was doing my darnedest to let him sleep until 7 am. So I did what I usually do when I awake early: think and pray. I prayed for friends who were struggling, friends who were sick, and for family members who needed help.
Then I began to pray for my fledgling speaking ministry. As I prayed, I felt a familiar knot in the pit of my stomach. All of my hopes and aspirations were rolled up in that pang of uncertainty about my future.
I am so excited to be teaching this co-ed Ephesians Bible study that starts in less than a month! Please make plans to join us. Childcare is provided for birth to 5th grade. Email me with questions!
As my body woke up from a night of slumber, so did the constant fear that rolled over and over in my stomach. I had recently completed a three minute speaker promo video and I had shared it with my family and friends, including a lot of pastors and ministry leaders. I even shared it on Facebook. I was unsure how people would receive it. I felt vulnerable. Exposed.
I was terrified of being rejected.
My husband draws a prophetic picture during our worship set on Sunday mornings using pastels. This “anchor” picture really spoke to me and I wanted to share it with you.
I was having such an amazing day until I got on Facebook. I was enjoying a peaceful Friday morning working in my yard. I did a heart check and realized that for the first time in a long time that my heart was healed, whole, and happy. It felt great! I had come through a tough week but I had pushed through and prevailed.
Earlier that morning I had posted on Facebook a 250 word “description” of myself that I had written for an upcoming conference. And evidently someone took exception to how I had described myself. There on Facebook, ready to burst my happy balloon, was an extensive comment about how I should not label myself and I should not this and I should not that and blah blah blah.
After a year’s worth of work, including lost files and video retakes, I have completed a speaker demo video. There is a long list of things you need to do to let others know that you are a speaker, and this is one of them. Whew! I’m glad to mark it off my list.
By now you’ve come to expect honesty from me. Last night as I thought of sharing the completed video with family and friends, with my cherished blog readers, and on Facebook, I nearly had a panic attack. It’s just hard to put yourself out there, as the videos are imperfect and if you look closely, you will see a lot of wrinkles! LOL
It’s hard for me to promote myself, but what I’m really promoting is the message God has given me to share with women. I’m going to be brave and share it with you. I know you will love me anyway.
If you are friends with ladies ministry leaders or church pastors, please share the video with them. Click here for the link. I don’t have any expectations of you, but it would help me if you would share it on Facebook as well. No pressure.
Thank you for helping me to build this ministry of hope and grace for imperfect women.
There was a desire that rose up in my heart today to do something that I haven’t done in a long time. It is something that is usually done in a quiet place. It is a position that is sometimes accompanied by tears. It is a posture that is equated with humility and surrender.
It is praying on my knees.
We took my daughter, Hannah, for her 2nd year of college on Tuesday of this week. I wrote two posts when I took her to college as a freshman in 2016 – one that I posted, and one that was too personal for us to publish. Now, after a year has passed, I’ve updated it, and we are ready. This is what it was like for me on the day that I had to let my daughter go.
I woke up early, the sound of the noisy hotel room air conditioner stirring me to wakefulness. I hadn’t been awake for long before the realization of “the day” hit my consciousness. With a groan, I felt the heaviness settle once again upon my soul. It was the day that a child often longs for and a mother dreads and it comes in a variety of ways.
It was the day to let my daughter go.
I didn’t know what to expect. I sat in the parking lot, gathering my composure and my nerve, preparing to enter a new environment full of strangers. I was going to a meeting to hear someone share his testimony. I was there for somewhat selfish reasons – I wanted to find out if I could possibly come and speak to the group myself one day. So I took a deep breath, got out of my car, and walked into Celebrate Recovery.
Celebrate Recovery is a Christ-based 12-step recovery support group. It is a biblical and balanced program that helps people overcome their hurts, hang-ups, and habits. Think Alcoholics Anonymous, or Narcotics Anonymous, then add Jesus and a variety of struggles in addition to chemical dependency. The program is in almost 30,000 churches worldwide.